What I should have done instead…

fishnetAh, the sex inventory. I used to believe with fervor that this topic did not belong in meetings. Well, after the noon meeting today I think differently. It was a good meeting. C started his bleeding deacon bull, but it spurred me to a thought that he actually complemented me on at meeting’s end. He shared that no one should tell anyone how to shape their sex ideal, to which I agree. What I shared was this: there shouldn’t have to be any preaching about this subject. The directions about this step are clear cut. “We reviewed our own conduct over the years past.” This is from our fourth step, a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves. We are guided through this step, not strapped to a chair and told what our shortcomings are. It goes on to say “Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead?” In the next paragraph, it tells me “In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life.”  The way I’ve been guided through the sex inventory, it is by asking myself, “what should I have done instead” that I shape this ideal.  I look at where I was selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate.  I ask myself whom I had hurt, where i unjustifiably aroused jealousy, suspicion or bitterness. I honestly look at where I was at fault and ask myself what I should have done instead. I put each relation over the years to this test and with God’s help I mold my ideal and become willing to grow toward it.

I needed to hear this today. I have fallen short of my chosen ideal, I have stumbled. I am sorry for what I have done and have the honest desire to let God take me to better things. I believe God will forgive me and I have learned my lesson. If my conduct continues to harm others I am sure to drink.

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