I have these two beautiful women in my life. I actually have four, but two of them are out of my sight, one in a treatment center and one in prison, I don’t hear from them often. The two I speak of are here in town and I work with them face to face. They attend the same meetings as I do and I am taking them through the work as I have been shown to by the wonderful women who have been placed on my journey of recovery.
I have been working with L1 since September. She is in her sex inventory, a part of the work that I have found to be even more valuable and revealing than the resentment inventory. It has been such a joy to see her develop a personal relationship with God. She has had damaging experiences with religion and has been able to heal them by seeking new spiritual paths and with the simple kit of spiritual tools offered through the 12 steps. She is a delight to work with. We laugh and share our desperation simultaneously.
L2 is brand new, we have just begun the journey together. She sent me a text the other night to say that she had begun her fourth step. “Whoa, turbo!”, I replied, “You’re still on step one!” I told her that if she needed relief and thought she was ready to go forward there was a way to take 1-3 and get on with the action steps. 1 and 2, after all, are proposals, and 3 is a decision. She said that she was, indeed, ready. She has said repeatedly in meetings that she has not crossed the bridge from reason to faith where God is concerned, but she told me this: “He has put you in my life.” This was all I needed to hear to be sure that she is ready to turn her will and her life over to the care of God as she understands Him. I told her that we will have to meet at my place, that I won’t have her on her knees in the cold clubhouse, giving herself to God while someone busts in the door unexpectedly. She is as willing as I’ve ever seen someone know how to be, as willing as only the dying can be. This is all we need to make our beginning.
I am humbled and grateful to be of service to these women. I am also aware that God is doing for me what I could never do for myself. When I was practicing my disease I could never have given of myself in this way. I could barely have a telephone conversation with a friend without wanting to scream and hang up when they talked about themselves. Now I can’t wait to hear what the people in my life have to share about themselves, even and especially the non-alcoholic ones. It’s actually refreshing to chat with a “normal” person, to hear about the every day details of a life not concerned with daily reprieves or carrying messages, just day to day happenings and the kool-aid stain on the carpet.
I love our way of life. It is infinitely more satisfying than anything I could have planned for myself. It grows every day. What first seemed a flimsy reed turned out to be the loving and powerful hand of God.